Why are emotional affairs so hard to get over

Emotional affairs so hard to get over? Lets talk about it. Ive heard many times about emotional affairs and sometimes partners who have been cheated on with an emotional affair feel kind of stupid that they feel so hurt. There are reasons why you cant let it go and theres things that you can do.

Effects of an Affairs

In order to overcome the feelings that youre having after an emotional affair. Youre not crazy and youre not over the top if youre hurting because your partner had an emotional affair. I want you to understand that its real betrayal when youve been hurt by an emotional affair from your partner. And if your partners telling you that you shouldnt be feeling the things that youre feeling or that theyre not valid, thats not true. Your emotions are valid and its okay that youre feeling what youre feeling. We have a natural instinct as human beings. We want to protect the partner that we have, we want to protect the mate that we have. So, when our partner goes outside of the relationship, either sexually, spiritually, emotionally, then it hurts, the pain is deep and the pain is real.

Understanding this

As an expert who treats betrayal trauma, if youre a person who has cheated on your partner and had an emotional affair, lets say you havent had a sexual affair, its important that you understand that your partners feelings are valid. Their pain is real and its okay that they have that pain and theyre gonna need to go through a process of healing for that pain just like anybody else whos experienced betrayal trauma. So, back off and allow them to go through this process instead of trying to invalidate their pain and tell them that they shouldnt be feeling what theyre feeling.


Sex is overrated. Okay, not really, but sex is pretty awesome. But, in terms of fidelity sex is overrated. A lot of times people will interchange the word intimacy and sex. Sex is not intimacy. Sex is one way that we can be intimate. So, sex is important but theres other ways that we are intimate in our relationships. Emotional connection empathy is a way that were intimate in our relationships so if your partner is getting that from somebody else, then it hurts just like any other affair hurts because intimacy is going somewhere else.

Common ways

Here are some common ways that somebody is acting out in an emotional affair. Oftentimes it starts with complaining to somebody else about your marriage. You actually find some validation and some empathy about the struggles and pains in your marriage. When you start doing that with somebody, youre connecting on an emotional level. Another way that emotional infidelity happens is through flirting.

  • Flirting

Life is boring, you find somebody youre attracted to and you start flirting with them, you start teasing them, playing with them, getting excited to talk to them. Thats emotional infidelity. When you start hiding your relationship that youre having with that person from your partner, then youre in denial and youre deceiving your partner which will create a disconnection in your relationship. Youre not sharing a part of your life and a part of who you are. Thats emotional infidelity just because youre hiding a piece of who you are. Another way to be emotionally unfaithful.

  • By sharing life goals with somebody who youre trying to connect to in an intimate way whos not your partner

So, when you get excited to share with them about the future, about where youre going and what youre doing and youre not doing that with your partner, then youre giving that to somebody else.

Healing process

The process to heal from an emotional affair is just that. Its a process. It doesnt happen overnight. We talk about betrayal trauma because its traumatic to go through betrayal and I cant give you a magic pill, I cant give you a magic checklist to overcome this but you can work yourself through these emotions and come out stronger on the other end. But, its a process, so understand that theres some steps that you need to go through in order to heal from an emotional affair.

  • 1st step is to Get out of harms way

              If youre being cheated on and your partner is not wanting to end the relationship with the affair partner, you need to get some space from your partner and you need to tell them that this is not okay. So, dont just hang in there and take the blame for your partner cheating on you and allow them to keep cheating on you. Thats the 1st thing that you need to do is just find some safety.

  • 2nd step Process your pain and go through grief

                 Find a way to talk it out with somebody, to journal, to listen to some music, to allow yourself to cry, to feel the emotions of what youre feeling because youve been betrayed. Dont avoid those feelings because theyre painful step into those feelings so that you can process them. And its not something you do in a night, its not something you do in a day, its something you do over months. As you do that and allow yourself to feel, youre going to start to feel some relief.

Understand what’s yours to own and what’s not yours

Its normal to start to internalize an emotional affair and take it personally. To say, Well, he went and did this because- or She went and did this because Im not enough or I should have been better or I should have been different. Dont do that to yourself. Dont let your shame take over take accountability for whats yours. If your partner has had an emotional affair, its an opportunity for you to self-reflect and to work on you but dont take the blame for what they have done. They made those choices and its not your fault.

  • Get support

Its important for you to get support and I know this can be something thats hard to do because you might be embarrassed or sad about whats happened. So, to reach out and open up can be hard, but theres people out there who have been through very similar things as you. Theres people out there who can really understand and you need support so that you can process your emotions, you can feel empowered and you can gain hope that you can overcome this.

  • Have boundaries

As you get that support theyll back you up and having healthy boundaries in your relationship so that youre not as prone to getting hurt again, that you can protect yourself and know whats in your control and whats not in your control.

Get vulnerable again ( the most difficult)

The last thing, which might be the most difficult, is to get vulnerable again. Once youve processed these emotions, you have boundaries, you have support dont allow yourself to just shut down and to shut your life off from connection. Youll have a propensity to want to do that because youve been hurt with this emotional affair so, whether its with your partner who betrayed you or whether its with a new partner. Take some risks again in order to love and be loved youve got to take that risk theres no way around it. So, once youre in recovery, once youre feeling confident and you process through these things, go out there and try to love again.

Thank you

Emotional affairs so hard to get over

Emotional affairs so hard to get over

Emotional affairs so hard to get over

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