17 tips How to find love|why I can’t find love

How to find love: Sadly society tells us that if we don’t have a partner then we are an outsider to the world and if you do feel you are struggling to find the love you probably feel a lot more pressure to try harder which makes you more desperate and this is a huge reason that you are not actually finding decent love because you are rushing it.

1) You only put your needs first

Relationships are all about to give and take and they involve a lot more compromise than you would ever realize. It’s not always going to be about you getting your needs met. There is another person involved who is easy to forget I understand and if you give off lives that you’re, the only one about yourself you will be turning people off you instead work on being compassionate to someone else’s needs and you will find that given to a partner making them feel happy makes you feel happy too.

2)  You already found it

 That’s right you’ve already found love and you keep looking for something which you already have did you have a past relationship that seemed to be the one that got away. You may have broken up too soon or broke up for a silly reason and you weren’t quite ready for that relationship It could be that you are not able to find love because it already exists and you just need to rekindle what you already have.

3)You are not ready(How to find love)

How to find love

 You are most definitely not ready for love society command tells us that we aren’t truly happy apparently until we are in a relationship but then fails to tell us that we need to be happy with being single first. So if you are striving for someone to save you to bring you happiness and to wave a magic wand and just make you feel complete, you are actually asking someone to do something that they could never achieve and this is a sign that you are not ready for love and that you most definitely have some inner work that you need to focus on first.

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4) You don’t have the time for love

 Perhaps you don’t actually have the time for love and that’s okay we’re all busy trying to get ahead in life. It’s okay to refuse love because you don’t have the time to commit and let’s face it. If your partner can realize that you are always too busy why would they want to date you. You could be focusing on your career looking after a family member busy with School. These are all valid reasons to hold off because love needs time. It needs your full attention and it’s not fair to string someone along to only see them once in a blue moon when you are not busy.

5) You can’t forgive

How to find love

 You are not finding love because you cannot forgive where you burned badly in the past it’s happened to the best of us. Maybe a Partner cheated on you and you still hold on to that resentment of how they mistreated you and presume everyone’s going to do the same. This will only put up a wall that other People Can sense, so if you are not willing to Pull down those walls well why would someone want to be vulnerable with you.

If you were always on the lookout for those tiny little things. I knew you were going to do this you were just like everybody else. You need to let someone in and let that Person try again. People can be forgiven people can change not everyone deserves a second chance obviously. However, if they are genuine with their apology and their actions have changed and they can admit their wrongdoings. Then the only person that is hurting you and stopping you from love is you.

6) You aren’t selling yourself

If you have just come out of a long-term Relationship then you have to actually be very different. When you go back into the Dating scene because in a relationship you are used to Netflix and chills cuddles on the sofa and kind of always getting your needs, because someone has worked you out. However if you are back on the dating Scene as a new freshly single person and you’re struggling to find love. It’s because you have not changed your Mindset so get back into your flirting Game Play hard to get build a little bit of attraction have a little bit of playful Banter and this will help you on the way to find some love.

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7) You don’t  respect other people’s behaviour

How to find love

It’s very common and I’m sure we’ve all done this at once until we realize how Relationships work. Is that we have tried to without realizing actually manipulate someone to Change their behaviour. We’ve tried to change and mold someone into someone that they are not and this is never going to work out as true love. You need to either accept someone for who they are and be willing to put up with the compromise or you say you know what this isn’t working for me. I need to be With someone that’s a little bit different and you go out and find that Person.

8) You can’t be emotionally vulnerable

 Perhaps you went through a lot in the past maybe this is just something that you Have to deal with for example maybe you Have a slight range of autism or perhaps you even have an attachment Trauma. No matter what it is if you Struggle to be emotionally vulnerable and you don’t learn how to change People are not going to be comfortable to want to date you.

Being in a relationship means you can be very raw with someone, you can let someone see that gooey inner center that everyone has but you only choose to show it to one Specific person. If people cannot see your own Emotional vulnerabilities they’re not going to do the same for you.

 9)You don’t respect yourself

How to find love

 You could be the type of person that always feels like they’re not getting what they want out of a relationship and that they are struggling to find that person that’s going to give them their needs. Now it could be you have always been in Relationships where you give and you give and you don’t get back. Perhaps maybe you have an attachment Trauma and you are trying to give someone lots and lots of love and help them out thinking that they will turn around and give you your needs and that is not how a Relationship works.

If you let someone feel that your needs are not important and you are happy to give them what they want why would they want to change. So you need to make your mission to say to people this is what I want within reason of course and if i don’t get it then this is not going to happen.

A relationship is all about compromise and remember you have to have your own boundaries. You need to know what you like what you don’t like and you want to make sure you are not being taken for granted.

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10) You idealise a fantasy relationship

We’ve all done it in the past we’ve grown up with Disney films Pixar Movies cosmopolitan magazines and Hollywood films. They all tell us that there is someone out there that always knows how to make us feel good and that there is one true person for us. Now if you believe in these fantasy bonds I’m sorry to break it to you but they really do not exist.

 sometimes you’re going to be dating someone that’s going through their own things that they can’t be there for you for a couple of months, because they are busy they may have their own stresses going on and you need to be able to think you know what it’s okay, I will just put my needs aside for the second and help out my partner. If you’re not willing to do that you’re not ready for a relationship.

11) Your fear of rejection

How to find love

Perhaps you don’t put yourself out there or when you do you aren’t really being your true self you’re not willing to be vulnerable because you are Scared of rejection. It could be you don’t make a lot of money you don’t feel that you are socially inadequate.

You don’t have a great family status or Situation back home whatever that is to you. You are using this as a reason that you can’t find love and maybe you are expecting someone to just say i don’t mind all these problems that you have all these traumas and baggage let me take it on.

Now let’s be honest do you want to adopt someone else’s trauma and baggage probably not well most definitely not. So If you feel that you are scared of rejection you need to look into why that is if you feel you’re not good enough to be in a relationship well no one’s going to actually think otherwise.

So work on yourself and remember as long As you are growing and you are trying to get away from past troubles and traumas. There is always someone that’s going to want to date you.

12) You don’t understand your partner’s wants and needs

 If you are dating the opposite gender then you have to do some research because a guy’s brain is nothing like my brain and there’s relationships that i have had where i feel very much like why is this person not aware of my needs and he will say why is Akash not aware of my needs and that is because we are two different people.

If you are dating someone of the opposite gender you need to put some research into what a guy does or what a lady does as well because even if you are dating the same sex there’s Still problems as well everyone has different love languages. On the contrary most guys are very physical and then ladies are very emotional.

So you have to understand that push and pull but again. In the same gender relationships there are the love languages and it could be you are giving someone lots of love and they’re just not vibing with it they don’t feel that’s love for them. You need to figure out what your partner’s wants and their needs and be able to give them that is what a relationship is.

It’s not always going to be easy and plain sailing so remember a relationship’s about Compromise and if you are willing to give someone their needs you will get yours met as well.

13) You really aren’t looking for love

How to find love

Maybe you feel that if you just go out to a library you will put your hand on a book your love of your life will put their hand on the book as well and then kind of like a Hollywood romance film. That is not going to happen you’ve got to be aware of the times do not reinvent the wheel.

Everyone is addicted to their phones me included so go on social media, actually go on dating Apps this is where you’re going to find those people and you have to be willing to put yourself out there. You can’t just expect Prince charming to knock on your door like an amazon delivery it doesn’t really work like that.

Related: What to do if he doesn’t text you back ( 6 steps)

14) You are looking in the wrong Place

 Let’s say you don’t want to go with the whole phone situation social media and phone Dating apps that’s totally fine. Perhaps you want to meet people in person and you’ve noticed you seem to be Picking up people from clubs Restaurants and bars and then you’re thinking hang on a second. These people that I’m dating they have an alcoholic dependency, which i’m not comfortable with well there’s the problem. Where are you meeting these people you need to think what is the person that I would love to fall in love with where do they hang out let me go there and find them.

15) You Believe in soulmates and destiny

Now it’s such a lovely thought isn’t it there’s someone out there that they have always been there since the day we were born, just growing and frolicking around life and that is the person for us.  This one true person our soul mate that gets us and things are just perfect and sadly that doesn’t happen.

I mean if you believe in destiny that is awesome but there’s so many people that we can end up getting married to have a divorce with have children with. Now it’s true if you don’t go out there and search for it people are gonna never know that you are available and open to actually be in a relationship with.

So don’t feel like there is someone out there you just have to wait for them to come and knock on your door no you have to go out and find people and it’s not as if you’re going to find just one true love you will find so many in this lifetime.

16) You aren’t over your past relationship

How to find love

 This is very common and sometimes people get  so hurt from the breakup that they don’t realize that they are still actually pining for someone many years down the road. So if you find yourself  entering relationships and just struggling to make them actually work.

It could be your closing off you were always comparing your new partner to your Ex-partner and for some reason they just can’t compare your ex-partner is amazing but have a think am I actually still emotionally invested into my ex-partner and if you are you need to learn to overcome this before you can start to date someone else.

17) You have an attachment trauma

 Attachment traumas are something that is everyone seems to have it it’s a rarity now that people actually have a secure attachment . There’s a lot to go into when it Comes to attachment traumas but if you are someone that had a very rough childhood or a very ptsd worthy experience towards their later years of life, this means you are more likely to develop an attachment trauma.

It could be you had abusive parents maybe you were put into the adoption process you didn’t know your family or maybe your family were great they gave you everything but starved you from emotional support or one day they were there and the next day they weren’t and it left you feeling very confused. Depending on your actual surroundings as a child you will grow up trying to relive those moments to overcome them.

 For example, if you are an anxious person in love constantly feeling like someone’s going to leave you. You have to overcompensate it means you are dating people that are just like your parents. someone that is very avoiding in love so that you can complete that cycle and feel good about yourself.

 Now if you do find that you do have an attachment trauma. The only way to get over this is to learn about the attachment to do some work with a therapist before you enter a relationship and please understand your partner is not your therapist you should never give your Partner that amount of needs and direct attention to your emotional self  it’s very unhealthy.

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